Delirium

I cry with tears of contemplation, 

entirely due to this unimaginable situation. 

With heart strung on string of iridescent gold, 

while that once solid beating becomes empty and cold. 

Lost to the world is my mind at this time, 

tick tock goes the clock while I’m losing my mind. 

Repeatedly I believe that I can save him,

 and somehow, someday I must repay him.

 For the moments we spent in pure peace,

With affectionate silence and some unease, 

All will soon seem to  end

Though troubles you failed to mend

And problems that have arisen

With one swift thought decision

You bend the rules to your whim

In essence all you do is sin

But alas, I love you

For your loyalty

And your bravery

And it seems like every moment you spend with me

You take down your guard and just let me see

What truly lurks beneath that flesh

With beauty, pain and brief distress

I say with love, “You’re not ready yet”

But still you deny what you soon will regret

The fact is that true friendship cannot easily be found

Let me tell you, It’s unbearable when you aren’t around

Please, my dearest friend, just don’t leave me again.

They could never take my Love away from you

Cause I’d stay up nights and pray for you

To find me and so I’d wait for you

Now you’re here and there’s all these things I want to say to you

I Love you more and more everyday I do

Life’s just not the same when I’m away from you

I want to end my days and lay with you

And I’m afraid cause forever I see myself stay with you

Cause you prove dreams can come true

You’ve become what I know like the sky is blue

And you’ve changed my perception and every hue

Life’s been so much brighter since ONE became TWO

I find myself wondering what else could turn out to be a not-so-good thing. Like, the fact that the person I used to lay my head against and confess my inner-most thoughts and pain with would turn out to be just another one of those guys. Or the fact that when I lay in bed at night I can’t remember what has happened in the past or what is ever going to happen in the future. Every minute is unplanned and every second becomes more difficult to live with. I would pray, but there is no one to pray to. I would talk to someone, but there is no one there to listen. I would flourish, but my inspiration has gone to rot. 

But, I’ve found comfort in something that I once only knew. Myself. I’ve found comfort in my own presence and in the fact that I will always be there. I’ll be there before anyone else will and that means that I should be strong. Strong enough to get over the pain that I feel and the uncertainty that keeps me feeling empty. I only hope that one day I will be strong enough to keep those tears from flowing, and instead keep going with a smile on my face, because I will know that things will only get better. In the end, everything is good.

…Right?

Sometimes I wonder why life gets so hard to handle. It’s like traveling in a spaceship and there is no way back. What you’ve done and what you do become a blur. The monotony of the moment makes my brain turn to mush.  Though, I can’t live life like that. It’s just not who I am.